


After the Horn

by broken_stone



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Episode: s05e03 The Death Song of Uther Pendragon, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-12
Updated: 2017-04-12
Packaged: 2018-10-18 03:46:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10608642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/broken_stone/pseuds/broken_stone
Summary: He had known when he tried to talk Arthur out of blowing the horn that it might come to this. Uther had always had an unparalleled power to hurt Arthur.





	

“Merlin. Has.” Arthur said from behind him, voice oddly flat. Merlin looked up from his chores and grinned. He'd honestly expected Arthur to take Uther's disapproval harder than he had, for regret to weigh more heavily on him as he said goodbye to his father for good, but Arthur's mood had perked right up after he'd beaten Merlin in the armoury.

 

“Is this a game then? You start a sentence and I have to finish it for you now? Merlin has... big ears. Merlin has a grave mental affliction, maybe. Too lazy to even insult me yourself now, are you?” Merlin chuckled, glancing back at Arthur from where he was turning down the bed sheets.

 

Arthur was standing, still in his armour, in front of his door, having not come farther into the room. His face was drawn, and his hand rested on his sword.

 

“Arthur?” Merlin asked, head tilting as he studied his king. “Are you all right?”

 

Arthur regarded Merlin silently for a moment, and Merlin smiled encouragingly. He stepped forward, intending to help Arthur with his plate mail, when Arthur spoke again. “In his last moment, my father didn't tell me he loved me. He didn't tell me to be a good king, or that he believed in me.”

 

Merlin stilled. Arthur wasn't, in fact, very good at talking, and Merlin had realised early on the trick to getting Arthur to finish a conversation was to stay very still. Too much movement and he would shy like a horse, and instead of getting whatever it was off his chest, he'd spend days brooding and ordering Merlin to muck out the stables. “He was angry-” Merlin began sympathetically, when Arthur didn't immediately continue.

 

He had known when he tried to talk Arthur out of blowing the horn that it might come to this. Uther had always had an unparalleled power to hurt Arthur.

 

Arthur finally spoke, pitching his voice over Merlin's. He had sounded strange earlier, when he first spoke, and now Merlin was able to make out Arthur's mood. His voice wasn't flat, weary at the events of the day, but was hostile- openly and seriously hostile, not merely aggravated as he commonly was with Merlin.

 

“He didn't try to change my mind about the knights, or insult Gwen, or my decisions as king, nor did he speak of the sorcery I used to bring him into this world.

 

In his last moment he spoke of you. My manservant, you _should_ have been beneath his notice. And yet he went out of his way to attack you.” And Merlin heard the challenge, and had stupidly not prepared for Arthur to have noticed. It's wasn't as if Arthur was the king of nuances, after all, how could Merlin know this was the time Arthur to choose to _pay attention_?

 

“He wasn't himself, Arthur, you know this.” Merlin stuttered, praying that his ability to dissemble, to deflect Arthur's attention would serve him this time.

 

“He _was_ himself,” Arthur denied, shaking his head sharply. “Exactly as I remember him.”

 

“You know he was just- doing what he thought was best for Camelot,” Merlin repeated. “You can't allow his disapproval to change how you rule _your_ kingdom.”

 

“No.” Arthur shook his head again, dismissing Merlin's comments, his focus on Merlin unwavering. “In the spirit world, he spoke of Gwen, of my knights, of my raising up commoners to the court. You are my manservant. I haven't raised you up. What could you have possibly done to offend him?”

 

“Me? I didn't do anything,” Merlin denied, voice a high squeak. “Maybe he just attacked me because he knew I was trying to help you send him back, and he didn't want to go, did you think of that?” he asked, gaining confidence at the end. _There_. That was plausible. Now just let Arthur believe it.

 

And Arthur was nodding, though the wariness had not left his face. His lips were pursed, and his eyebrows were low, and Merlin _really_ wished he would take his hand from his sword.

 

“Possibly. It would account for him attacking you.” And Merlin nodded, because, _yes_. Yes, it would.

 

“There, right, see.” He smiled, encouraged.

 

“But not for him trying to warn me as I blew that horn.”

 

“Warn you?” Merlin coughed, choking on the first word. He could feel his eyebrows in his hairline now, and he backed away a few steps, knowing as he did it that Arthur would see it as a sign of weakness- as a sign of guilt. He shook his head, a hand held out in front of him as if to steady himself, or to calm Arthur. Both. Either.

 

Arthur only noticed Merlin's backing away, an evasion, what a warrior would see as a defensive move. The smile that stretched across his face was hard, his voice steady and sure as he spoke.“Merlin has... betrayed you.”

 

Merlin felt himself pale. “What?” He was floundering. He had no defense prepared for an Arthur who had come, Merlin realised now, ready for attack.

 

He forgave Gwen, he thought dizzily, desperately. And he saved the old woman.

 

“It's the only thing that makes sense.” Arthur answered. “Why would my father notice you?” He gestured towards Merlin with his free hand. “You said it yourself, he was only doing what he thought was best for Camelot, eliminating the things he saw as a threat. How could _you_ be a threat, Merlin, unless he discovered something that I didn't know?”

 

“Discovered what?” As Arthur stalked forward slowly, Merlin backed away, backed himself into one of Arthur's bedposts. “Arthur?”

 

“That like with Lancelot, and Agravaine, and Morgana, I have been betrayed.”

 

“How?” His voice was a hoarse husk, more clouded than when he'd been admitting his sorcery to Uther.

 

“I don't know, Merlin,” and Merlin thought crazily that Arthur sounded now like he always did, when he was convinced of something and he thought Merlin was being an idiot. “But I know it's true.”

 

“How can you believe that?” Merlin whispered. He would have liked to sound more convincing, but he heard the voice inside himself remind himself that he _had_ betrayed Arthur, a dozen times since coming to Camelot. 

 

All to help him, though. All for the love of Arthur, and of Camelot, he pleaded with himself, desperately holding on to old excuses.

 

He blinked dizzily, trying to focus on Arthur in front of him. He stood in front of Merlin, posture more or less relaxed, but experience told Merlin he was braced for something. 

 

This was what Arthur looked like in the arena, when he waited for an opponent to attack, to act foolishly, to underestimate him, before he used their own momentum to send them sprawling. Except Merlin knew he'd have to move anyway- he had no hope of outmaneuvering Arthur here. 

 

“Have you, Merlin? Have you betrayed me?” Arthur asked, voice leading and deceptively calm.

 

Merlin was just able to blink back the sting of tears.

 

“You know I have not!” Merlin denied hotly, able to defend himself here, in any case. For all of his lies, for all of the crimes he had committed, they had all been in service to his king, and he would be damned if he'd be accused of being _disloyal_.

 

“Do not lie to me!” Arthur shouted, finally unleashing some part of his terrible anger. Merlin remembered the desperation he felt, his need to keep Arthur's own sword from Uther's neck. Arthur was in front of him, standing much closer now, leaving Merlin no escape from him and the hard post he was pressed against.

 

He hardly dared hope for the sword, imagining from the anger lining Arthur's face he might very well prefer to choke the life out of Merlin himself.

 

“I am not!” Merlin shouted desperately back. “Arthur, you know- _you know_ I would never betray you. For years, I have been by your side. I _told_ you, I am glad to serve you, until the day I die, and I would die before I was ever disloyal. You know I never would betray you.”

 

Arthur met his gaze, head on, searching Merlin thought, for truth. “I have said the same of others. That I knew, that I was sure.”

 

“And I warned you, and you didn't _believe_ me.”

 

“Agravaine-”

 

“I _told_ you he was working with Morgana. I told you, and you accused Gaius, just like you accuse me now.”

 

“I was wrong about Gaius” Arthur admitted. “But I do not see how I can be wrong now.”

 

“You've been wrong before-”

 

“And my father's last words were of you, Merlin. I suppose because he had such _affection_ for you?” Arthur asked, the question dripping with sarcasm.

 

“You're wrong now.” Merlin blinked furiously at the renewed stinging in his eyes, but this was one time Arthur didn't take the opportunity to call his manservant a girl.

 

“I want to believe you. _You_ of all people, Merlin.”

 

“There is nothing stopping you from believing me.”

 

“Then tell me. Tell me you have never lied to me, tell me you're not keeping secrets from me.”

 

Merlin started, shocked by the question. He swallowed slowly, throat bobbing. “I can't,” he admitted.

 

Arthur stepped back and drew his sword, swinging it towards Merlin entrancingly. “What?” he asked, hoarsely. “What have you done? You can't have been spying for Morgana-”

 

“You know I haven't!”

 

“Then _tell_ me!”Arthur demanded, the point of his sword raising towards Merlin's face.

 

“Do not ask!” Merlin shouted back desperately. He shook his head and stared out at the room beyond Arthur's shoulder.

 

He took a deep breath. “One day, you will know. You will understand what has been sacrificed, what has been fought by the people of this kingdom. What we do, for you.”

 

It was Arthur's turn to be startled. “Merlin-”

 

“It is my job, to know things you can't know. People can come to me, when they are afraid to approach their king. And it is my job to protect those who would come forward, to listen and to keep their secrets, as I keep yours.”

 

“I don't have any secrets.”

 

“I'm your manservant, Arthur, you can't hide anything from me.” Merlin joked wearily. Arthur was listening, in any case. He hadn't cut him down where he stood.

 

“And that's it? You're this kingdom's secret keeper?”

 

“Sometimes. Sometimes it is my job to be on the lookout, to watch for threats to you or Camelot. To make them disappear before they get close.”

 

“You sound like an assassin.”

 

“I wish I could say I'd never had to be,” Merlin replied, voice breaking. The sword in front of his face wavered, and beyond it he could see Arthur's face, previously bright with anger, pale, colour leaching out of him.

 

“How do you know which secrets you should keep?” He whispered. “Merlin, you're not a knight. It's not your job to protect the people of Camelot. Nor are you a council member- you can't know what's important and what's not.”

 

“I warned you. I warned you about Morgana, and about Agravaine. I know which secrets to keep, Arthur, and which to share.”

 

Arthur nodded, his distant eyes focusing sharply on Merlin's face.

 

“How can I trust you?”

 

“You just have to trust me.”

 

“Trust you, even though I know you're keeping secrets from me, even though I know you're _lying_ to me.”

 

“Yes. Arthur, you _must_ trust me,” Merlin pleaded.

 

Arthur lifted his sword in Merlin's direction again, swinging slowly back up from where it had fallen pointed at the floor. “Then swear to me, Merlin, that you would never endanger Camelot in any way.”

 

“I swear it.” Merlin rushed.

 

“ _Mer_ lin-” Arthur began, apparently unconvinced Merlin was taking his oath seriously.

 

“I swear on my mother's life-”

 

“Merlin, don't-”

 

“That her life is forfeit to you if I am lying- Arthur, there are things I can't tell you, secrets I must keep, but never have I ever been disloyal, and I will not ever betray you or work against the good of Camelot, I swear it.”

 

Arthur nodded, face serious, and sheathed his sword. “Okay.”

 

Merlin took a great breath, the air catching in his throat and his chin wobbling. He sniffed, hands scrubbing at his eyes. Arthur sighed.

 

“Don't be such a girl, Merlin. There's no need to get so emotional.”

 

“You pointed a sword at me!”

 

“You think you'd be used to it by now Merlin, though I do admit I have been somewhat lax on your training of late.”

 

“No, Arthur, no-”

 

“Now I've decided how to punish you for _lying_ to me Merlin. You and me, the training field after breakfast tomorrow.”

 

“You were just whacking at me with your sword earlier today!”

 

“But this time, _Merlin_ , you will learn something from it.”

“Arthur-”

 

“If you're going to be eliminating the threats you say I can't see, if I can't help you-”

 

“You can't.”

 

“If you're going to be in danger and if I can't protect you, you are going to need to learn to be less useless with your sword, _Merlin_. Buck up, just because I'll be enjoying watching you fall all over yourself doesn't mean you won't learn something. Like not to _lie_ to me.”

 

Merlin closed his eyes in resignation. “Great!” At least he wasn't in the stocks.

 

Though really, he'd prefer the stocks.

 

 


End file.
